UCSD Tritons vs. Banana All-Stars

Ah, the fun that goes with being a Division III athletics powerhouse. If I had to explain UCSD sports to someone, I'd just have them take a walk through this month.

* Domination of Triton sports teams. Every UCSD Fall Quarter sport -- without exception -- made it to the finals. Not postseason play, but the finals. And two of them -- men's soccer and women's volleyball -- are good shots to win the championship.

Yet let's not forget to point out that UCSD students are relatively apathetic about their university's sports teams. The men's soccer regional was held here last weekend, and the turnout might have reached 500. Pathetic for a school of 14,000. I can only hope more people show up at this weekend's finals.

* The need to move to Division II. I'm on record as hating the idea of big-time college sports, a la Jerry Tarkanian and Pat Dye. I wrote a column in January warning of the dangers of a divisional change. But UCSD will never be Division I, and Division II is a must for this institution.

Take women's volleyball. When they wrap the national championship this weekend in St. Louis (I guarantee it, kind of like George Zimmer), that will mark seven championships in 11 years. Please. This is not a Division III team.

UCSD is a big fish in what is no longer even a little pond. We're a whale in a drop of water. It's time to move on.

* The personal cost of dominance. In the major league baseball All-Star game, there must be one representative from every team. If one of the major league teams had 23 bananas and Peter Ko on its roster, then our pal Ko would become an all-star.

The NCAA has a similar rule: no team may have more than three players named on the all-Region team. Since UCSD's volleyball team is so dominant, five of the six top vote-getters for the All-Region team were Tritons. But only Elizabeth Tan, Julie Fabian and Dana Simone are All-Regional. Those three are now eligible to become All-Americans.

As for Vikki Van Duyne and Heather Holtzclaw, the other Tritons who finished in the top six -- they're out in the cold. Van Duyne and Holtzclaw should be All-Regional players. But they're stuck at UCSD. Big whale, little drip.

So if I had to explain to someone about sports, and I only had a few seconds in which to speak, I'd tell them this:

Take a look at what happened in November. They're too good. They're just way too good.