But he wouldn't ever burn -- or stop wearing -- his faded Oakland Invaders shirt.
You remember the USFL, don't you? The league -- valued by a jury as being worth approximately $3 -- that tried to take on the NFL and failed miserably, mostly due to the fact that the NFL is a monopoly.
I certainly remember the USFL, and not because my pal Jerry used to wear that faded Invaders shirt. A friend of mine called me a couple of months ago and told me that he had the ultimate sports trivia question: name all 16 USFL teams.
Are you kidding? I figured I couldn't name four of them, let along 16. I understand that the human mind is an amazing thing, but there's got to be a limit to the amount of stupid stuff it can remember.
As my friends will tell you, I've got so much stupid stuff in my mind that I must be pushing my limit. I'm the guy who remembers the theme to Hello, Larry. You know, the show McLean Stevenson did after leaving M*A*S*H.
I named 12 of them.
Why do I remember these stupid sports facts? Surely it isn't worth it to store the $3 league in my brain, right next to the fact that Gene Rayburn hosted Match Game '79.
But I'm not the only one who remembers the USFL. As you probably know, the B.J.'s Sports Trivia Quiz appears in the Guardian every week. And this quarter, there's been a USFL question in just about every quiz.
People know the answers.
You know who you are. You are the ones whose memories go past the Invaders, past the New Jersey Generals (owned by the $3 tycoon, Donald Trump), past Steve Young's L.A. Express.
You're the people who know the Philadelphia Stars. You know the Michigan Panthers, Denver Gold (or was that an NASL team?), Memphis Showboats (how could anyone forget a name like that?), the Boston/New Orleans/Portland Breakers and the teams not even I, master of the inconsequential, can remember.
So don't complain when you're studying for finals. If you can remember the USFL, you can remember anything.